What is Grief & Bereavement Therapy

Losing a significant person in our lives can be an extremely painful or confusing experience. If a bereavement has brought you to this blog I am sorry for your loss.

I wrote this article as I want to take the mystery out of what grief therapy is and how it may be able to help you.

What is bereavement?

Bereavement is the experience of losing a significant person in our lives through death. It can also be used to describe the loss of a beloved animal too.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural emotional response to any kind of loss, including bereavement.

How does grief feel?

Grief can often feel incredibly raw, overwhelming and confusing. It may feel like unpredictable waves of emotions that vary in type and intensity. It may feel like a roller coaster of emotions such as despair, longing, anger, anxiety, etc.

Grief is a deeply personal experience. There is no right or wrong way to feel when you experience a loss.

You may wonder how long you will feel the pain of the loss. However, there is no timescale for grief. It is an individual experience, just as your relationship with the deceased was.

You may have come across various theories or advice about grief. It may feel confusing if this information differs from what you are going through. Whilst there are some commonalities in the experience of grief there are also individual factors at play.

FAQ About bereavement therapy/Grief Counselling?

What is the difference between bereavement counselling & Grief therapy?

These are terms that are often used interchangeably. You may find me doing that throughout this article. However, grief therapy can refer to the focus of therapy being on any experience of loss. Whereas bereavement counselling focuses on the death of a person or pet.

Can I talk about other difficulties other than grief?

You are welcome to talk about anything you feel is important to you in your sessions. Whilst the focus of this type of therapy is your grief many other factors can play into this. There may be things from the past or present that make it harder for you to cope with your loss. It may have an impact on any spiritual or religious beliefs you hold. There may be other challenges or stresses going on in your life right now.

Is what I am experiencing normal?

Grief can be a complex mixture of emotions, thoughts and behaviours. You may be wondering ‘are my reactions normal?’ or ‘shouldn’t I be over it by now?’.

Bereavement counselling is a chance for you to share your experience of grief and be met with understanding and acceptance. As well as being able to check out what is usual when grieving. What you may feel isn’t a standard response to loss, frequently turns out to be typical after all.

Death and grief are often topics we, as a society, tend to avoid talking about. This means that often we have no frame of reference to work out if our experiences are common ones or not.

How does therapy differ from talking to friends or family?

Bereavement counselling gives you the opportunity to express your grief with someone who will be attentive and knowledgeable in this area. 

Grieving can sometimes end up being a lonely process. Even if you have friends and family you can speak to, it is different seeing a therapist. You may find other people:

• Don’t want to talk or hear about the loss;

• They seem uncomfortable when you approach the subject;

• Are too busy to give you their time and full focus;

• They turn the conversation around about their own losses. 

I find that quite often people initially get a lot of support following a bereavement. However, this may start to wane shortly after the funeral.  Leaving the bereaved feeling they no longer have any support and as if ‘they should be over it by now.’

I don’t want to be blaming individuals for their seeming lack of support. As I mentioned earlier our culture often shies away from death. As such, many people haven’t learned the skills or have enough understanding of loss to be able to help.

Some people may also have unresolved issues about bereavements they have experienced. Meaning they don’t have the capacity to offer support or they would find hearing about your loss triggering.

Despite this, I am aware it can still feel hurtful if friends and family don’t seem to be there for you.

How do I stop these feelings of grief?

Grief is an unpleasant emotion and I can appreciate you are seeking a way to stop feeling like this. However, there is no quick fix to resolving grief. I imagine this isn’t what you are wanting to hear, but feeling our emotions can be an important aspect of the grieving process. 

Whilst grief is an important emotion to feel in order to work through, it may become an issue if it becomes too overwhelming and reaches unmanageable levels. If this is the case we could look at coping strategies in a therapy session. 

Coping strategies don’t fix problems, they won’t make the emotional pain go away. What coping strategies may do is help you manage these feelings a little better. If you find grief a little more manageable this will help you to engage more with the grieving process.

What else can a bereavement therapist help with?

• Sharing memories of the person you’ve lost - These may be precious and valuable times you’ve spent with them. You may want to share such memories in your sessions. You may also want to share more complex or challenging memories you have of this person too. You would be welcome to share photos or objects relating to the deceased in your sessions so that we can look at them together;

• Continuing your relationship with the deceased - It used to be believed that the end result of grieving was to gain closure, put that person behind you and move on. This is now a dated view. Instead, it is seen to be important to maintain an internal relationship with the deceased. When a person dies our relationship with them still goes on. This person may have had a strong influence on who you are today and the decisions you’ve made. If this was a positive person in your life we can look at ways you can continue your inner relationship with them;

• Adjusting to life without that person - Bereavement can bring about a big change in our lives. There may be practical adjustments to make. An example, maybe they were the person in the relationship who paid the bills, sorted out the DIY or organised family events. Then there are the emotional adjustments. For example, maybe this was someone you turned to for companionship or support and they are no longer there for you to do this.

• Any other issues that may arise from the bereavement. This could include things like unresolved issues between you, family tensions, changes in friendships or you could be left questioning your faith.

How many sessions will I need?

Unfortunately, it is difficult to give you a specific number. It really does depend on you as an individual and what you want to get from therapy. Some people just want a small number of sessions to help them start the process of grieving or to normalise how they are thinking or feeling. Others prefer longer-term support.

If you are considering bereavement therapy this is something that I have experience and training in. I can offer short or long-term bereavement counselling. If you would like more information or want to book an appointment please contact me.