How to Deal with Imposter Syndrome
Do you regularly feel:
Not smart or interesting enough?
Your achievements are down to luck, a mistake, or from hiding your true self?
You don’t deserve the success or recognition you receive?
Feel anxious that someone is going to ‘find you out?’
If so, you may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter syndrome can be overwhelming and distressing. It may lead to procrastination, loneliness or burnout.
I wanted to write an article to highlight this common issue and offer suggestions for how to cope with it.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
It refers to a mistaken belief that your success or relationships have been acquired through chance, a mistake, or by false means. Despite there being plenty of evidence to the contrary. It’s often accompanied by a deep-seated anxiety of being ‘found out.’
There’s no official diagnosis of Imposter Syndrome despite it being considered a real and very specific form of self-doubt. It may be diagnosed as social anxiety, depression or general anxiety disorder. However, these don’t fully capture the specific aspects that relate to this issue.
Imposter syndrome is sometimes referred to as imposter phenomenon and impostorism.
The term ‘Imposter Phenomenon’ was first coined in 1978 by Psychologists P.R. Clance & S. Imes in a research paper looking at high-achieving women who felt they were ‘intellectual phoneys’. It’s now recognised that any gender can experience this.
Self-doubt vs Imposter Syndrome
On the surface, these may appear to be the same thing. However, self-doubt is more about not believing in yourself. Whereas, Imposter Syndrome has the added elements of feeling you’re a fraud who is about to be discovered.
What are the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter Syndrome can impact emotions, behaviours, and thoughts. I have included a list of these below. You may resonate with some of these and not others. Whilst there may be common themes, each person has their unique way of experiencing Impostorism.
Emotions
Fear and worry;
Stress;
Inadequacy;
Shame & embarrassment;
Depression & Low Mood;
Lonely;
Anxiety.
Behaviours
Difficulty concentrating;
Procrastination;
Perfectionism;
Overwork and burnout;
Seeking validation from relationships, managers;
Comparing self negatively against others;
Avoiding asking questions if uncertain about a task;
People pleasing.
Thoughts
Examples:
I don’t deserve to be here, there’s been a mistake;
I’m not as funny or as entertaining as they seem to think I am;
Someone’s going to notice I’m not good enough;
It was a fluke;
I’m going to be found out;
What a stupid mistake, I’m a failure;
I must work harder, work longer and do better.
Is Impostor Syndrom a common issue?
It’s a common issue that’s not often talked about. If someone thinks they’re an Imposter and is worried about being found out, they may be afraid to draw attention to how they feel. Impostorism can be a lonely and isolating experience.
Many people experience Imposter Phenomena when starting a new job or becoming a new parent. Sometimes these feelings can be transitory. However, for others, it can be a consistent or worsening issue in their lives.
It is estimated that 70% of people experience Imposter syndrome at least once in their life.
There are some people at increased risk of developing long-term Imposter Syndrome. It often presents more in high achievers. For example, Albert Einstein said:
‘The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler’
Additional risk factors for imposter syndrome can include being a minority (race, gender, sexual orientation, or disability). Research shows this to be especially the case for women of ethnic minority backgrounds.
Settings that may trigger Imposter Syndrome
Relationships
Social events;
Dating, co-habiting, marriage or civil partnership;
Interactions with colleagues;
Family gatherings;
Being a parent.
Professional settings
Job applications or interviews;
Work:
Promotion;
Day-to-day work tasks;
Work meetings or presentations;
Work assessments/reviews.
Academia
Students
Starting University;
Studying;
Exams;
Tutorials/Seminars;
Assignments (formative and summative).
Academics
Comparing self to colleagues or students;
Writing and presenting lectures;
Attending conferences;
Giving seminars and tutorials;
Producing research or applying for funding;
Other settings
Playing sports;
Home Improvements;
Viewing social media;
Engaging in hobbies and interests.
Social media
Many people portray their most positive traits, pictures, and experiences on social media. It can appear as if most people are living a perfect life. Someone with Impostorism may use this as a source of information to compare themselves and feel they come up short. However, social media rarely paints a picture of people’s authentic lives.
What causes Imposter Syndrome?
There may be a single factor or a combination of them. Some examples include:
Praising a child for achieving over other factors (e.g. effort);
Messages at school on needing to do well;
Overly critical caregivers or teachers;
Societal messages about what success is;
Cost of living crisis & financial concerns;
Being bullied at school, work, or by a social group;
Being a perfectionist;
Having parents with imposter syndrome;
Compared to siblings or other family members;
Labels such as being ‘the clever one’ in the family;
Overprotected as a child;
Were top of your class at school. Then moving on to Uni or working with other highly intelligent people and feeling inferior to them;
Microaggressions, discrimination, and misogyny.
Check if it is imposter syndrome
If you’re being bullied, discriminated against, at the receiving end of microaggressions, and constantly being criticised, you are going to feel you don’t belong. In these cases, it’s the unacceptable behaviour of others that’s the issue.
Imposter Phenomenon is about feeling you don’t belong when you are, despite constantly being presented with evidence to the contrary. In a toxic environment, any evidence of you deserving to be there may be limited or non-existent.
However, consistently experiencing bad behaviour from others may then lead to developing imposter syndrome.
How to deal with Imposter Syndrome
Recognise it for what it is
The chances are you found this article because you suspect you (or someone you know) are struggling with Imposter Syndrome. Recognising you’re experiencing imposter syndrome means you can start to challenge your negative thoughts and reduce unhelpful behaviours (e.g. overworking and people-pleasing).
Recognise your achievements
Set aside some time when you won’t be disturbed or feel rushed.
Write down all of your successes you can think of. I don’t necessarily mean things like good grades or a good job, although you can include these too. I mean anything, big or small, that you consider to be an achievement. Rather than things you perceive others would deem worthy of being on your list.
If you’re struggling with where to start, try breaking your list down into different age groups e.g. 0-5, 5-10, and so on. Then consider achievements in the following areas:
A fear you’ve faced or overcome - e.g. a nervous flyer but got on a plan, or a fear of public speaking but gave a presentation;
Hobbies & Interests e.g. seeing an improvement in fitness, or creating an artwork you’re proud of;
School, college or Uni - e.g. got a part in a school play or a band, or a project you’re proud of;
Socially - e.g. baked a cake and shared it with a friend/family member, or organised a day out;
Other - Anything else that comes to mind that you feel even mildly proud of?
Daily success journal
Keep a notebook just for this exercise. At the end of each day write down something you did well or achieved. These don’t have to be big things. Here are some examples:
You ticked something off your to-do list;
You took some time for yourself during the day;
You made someone smile;
You received a compliment (however small you feel it was).
It may feel difficult to think of things at first. It’s easy to overlook the things we do that are in themselves achievements, especially when you struggle with Imposter Syndrome. For example, for someone who's depressed or hasn’t slept well, just getting out of bed and having a shower might be an achievement.
If you find yourself struggling to write something on your list, try to step back and think what a friend would say about what you’ve achieved.
Keep a record of compliments and positive feedback
Carry a notebook, or use your phone, to write down compliments or positive feedback you receive.
With Imposter Syndrome it can be hard to accept a compliment. That inner voice may tell you ‘They don’t mean it’, ‘They’ve made a mistake’, or ‘They were are trying to make you feel good’. However, the majority of compliments come from a genuine place.
If you keep a record you might begin to see a pattern of different people giving you similar compliments. You can then use this to challenge your negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself and your capabilities.
Everyone makes mistakes
We ALL make mistakes. This includes you, me, our role models and the people we admire. We cannot know everything or be all things to all people. However, if you struggle with imposter syndrome mistakes often feel bigger than they are. Leading to harsh self-judgement, and feelings of anxiety or shame.
The following questions might help you to reassess ideas about making mistakes:
Start to notice mistakes others make. What happens when they make them?
Can you recall mistakes from your past that taught you something useful?
Have you made mistakes and the outcome of this has been different to what you feared?
If you make a mistake, is there a trusted other you can speak to about it?
Writing down any mistakes and challenging them might be helpful. You can do this by:
Make a note of the mistake, including:
Thoughts;
Feelings;
Imagined consequences;
Reread this and imagine a friend has written this down. What would you say to that friend? Maybe you would offer:
Kindness and support;
A different perspective on the mistake;
What they would imagine the consequences (if any) would be?
In the near future, take some time to reflect on this mistake. Was the mistake as bad as you perceived it to be at the time? Did you learn anything from it?
Challenge unhelpful comparisons
We have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others. Such thoughts may be, fleeting, inspire us, or help us to recognise our own achievements. However, there can be a darker side to making comparisons. Rather than feeling inspired it may lead to feelings of failure or inadequacy. With Imposter Syndrome the comparisons usually fall into the more negative side of comparing.
Social media can become a negative source of comparisons. You may find yourself scrolling through post after post of people appearing to have a perfect life. It may seem as if everyone is happier, more attractive or more successful than you. However, social media doesn’t show a complete picture of how others live. We mainly see the ‘good stuff’, rather than the failures, bad hair days, or personal struggles.
If you find yourself making comparisons and coming up short, have a social media break. It doesn’t have to be a long or permanent break. Just long enough to notice if it makes a positive difference. If it does, you may want to limit the time you spend on social media in the future.
It can also be problematic when comparisons are only made against those you deem more skilled than you are. If you find this is happening you might want to ask yourself:
What is the evidence for and against this belief?
Are there others who are less skilled in this area?
Do you have other strengths the person you are comparing against doesn’t have?
Summary
Imposter Syndrome is an incorrect belief about yourself and your capabilities. This is a common issue among capable high achievers.
Imposter Syndrome can have a profound impact on quality of life. From self-doubts and anxiety to procrastination and burnout. However, with practice, you can start to challenge the incorrect beliefs that Imposter Syndrome causes by:
Recognising what Imposter Syndrome is;
Recognising your strengths and achievements;
Challenging negative thoughts;
Being aware that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes;
Challenge unhelpful comparisons.
Getting help
If you are struggling with Imposter Syndrome you may find therapy helpful. I offer face-to-face and online appointments in central Durham. If you’d like more information or you want to book an appointment, please contact me.